Bah Humbug.....

Well, Christmas is almost upon us..that is if the end of the world doesn't come first....According to the Mayans, as I am sure many of you have heard, predicts the end of the world is to occur on 12/21...that is also my husband's birthday....guess if it happens he will be going out with a bang...lol...just kidding.  I don't believe in all that hogwash...seems like it was just yesterday we were celebrating Christmas, and here it is upon us once again. I am so not ready for it....as always, it is just a money issue. I don't have it...when you have little kids, they just don't understand it. I did put our tree up on Sunday....didn't want to bother, but I wasn't going to disappoint the two younger kids. Last night, one of them looked at me and asked where the presents were....I felt like crying...there are none yet. Not sure where the money is going to come from to get them. We have been behind the eight ball all year long since our trip to Florida in June...why? Well, they cut out all of my husband's over time...we had become dependent upon that to get by on....we had to get a new car this year, and our payments almost tripled...that hurt us a lot...and the list goes on. I missed some work a couple weeks ago, due to having surgery, with no pay....that was another big ouch...We never should have went to Florida...I know that now...my husband regretfully knows that too....we went on borrowed money and we just now have got it paid back. Never again....I am so tired of being stressed over it. It makes me hate Christmas.....

Max, my nine year old wants a guitar...we put one on lay away for him....that is all he is really getting..the guitar, a case and he asked for a video game. I told the boys 3 presents this year..as that is what the wise men brought to baby Jesus....I think they understand. Aaron, the 13 year old only asked for some headphones for his XBox Live and to renew his XBox Live subscription for another year, as well as new MP3 player and a C.D....The two older boys, well..they are adults now...22 and 19 respectfully, so they have to understand....I will just give them a little money and that will have to suffice. It is what it is....basically, I have to "borrow" money from the Mother in law until I get my tax refund check in the Spring...I don't know what I would do without her...she has been awesome.

As I said, I had surgery a couple weeks ago...no, not a hysterectomy..although that is probably coming sometime in the future..I had a laparoscopy done, to look for endometriosis, which the doctor found and cauterized....then he did a D & C and found a huge mass of stuff that he removed and sent to pathology....he said the likely hood that it was cancerous was less then 5%....I have been a huge bundle of nerves over that for the past two weeks...I never heard anything back about it, so I assume no news is good news. I go see him tomorrow for a follow up from my surgery and to have my stitches removed..so, I hope that it all goes well. I can't handle anymore bad news or stress....that would just put me over the edge.

On the workout front, I still do not have my stamina back and because of that and hormone therapy (birth control pills), I have gained 8 lbs....I am literally sick over it. I am so unhappy with myself right now...2 years ago, I was this muscular tight ass woman that in no way looked 40 years old....well, time has caught up with me and it sucks..let me tell ya! I went to the gym last night, ran 5 1/2 miles and took a Body Pump class..it literally kicked my ass....my endurance has dropped considerably...I am thinking of hiring a personal trainer at my gym., after the New Year..see if they can help me get my tired old self back in shape again. At least that is the plan...

If I don't post between now and Christmas...I wish all of you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!