Monday, April 7, 2008

Three Day Hiatus....Due to Stress...System Overload...

Sorry, everyone...just haven't felt much like blogging over the last few days. As I have mentioned before, my Commercial Manger here at work quit..which kind of left me holding the bag so to speak...with his job and mine. I have been beat. So, I just kind of took a three day reprieve..or whatever you want to call it. I am tired. So tired, that all I want to do is go home, crawl back in bed. But, just like here at work, it would be the same at rest for the weary.

This is what I really need...

BY MYSELF!!!!!!!!! FOR A WEEK!!!!!!!

But...along with the stress...and system overload... I guess I am disillusioned as well..'cause that isn't going to happen either.

The weekend, once again went by in a blur for me. I feel like I have been hit by a truck...mentally, emotionally and physically. Of course, this weekend was my weekend to have the little ones...I love them dearly, but they too are a huge source for my stress....they fight constantly...All week long...not just on the weekends...mind you. I don't know what to do...I feel like not being able to control them, I am failing as a parent....My older two boys never behaved this way. Sure, they fought, but not nearly to the level these two younger boys do.

Max, the five year old, tags along behind his bigger brother Aaron, who is eight and a half....he wants to play with him, play with his things...constantly...I feel like Aaron hates him...the level of stress they inflict upon me is insurmountable. They are constantly picking on one, I know that is common, for brothers/siblings to fight. I fought with my brother, argued..even hit each other. Until we were fighting so bad one time, our Mom conked our heads together..pulled the coffee table out of the way, shoved us together..told us to fight it out...she made us fight people...until we were crying that we didn't want to fight each other. If I worked...we didn't pick on each other or hit each other nearly as much. But, I don't want to condone the fighting between the two of them, so I don't know if that approach would work with them. All I can say is they are driving me crazy and I need to find a solution. I show both of them lots of love and affection, not one more than the other, either. So, I don't think its for attention. If Max doesn't get his way, Good Lord the whining that ensues....I think sometimes, Aaron picks at Max, just to get him going, to irritate him, my husband and Max. Then the hubby jumps in, he is not Aaron's Dad...puts me in the middle, between my eight year old, the hubby and Max....I just can't win.

I love my family, I spend the majority of my time, giving all that I have to them...leaving almost zero time for me...yet, I don't think they care. My kids are's like pulling teeth without any get them to even pick up after themselves. It takes threats and lots of nagging, way too much time to get them to even clean up the toys they drag out. Usually, I get so exasperated, I just do it....and I know that is where my problem begins. With me....I spent so much time, doing everything for Aaron, out of guilt, from the hell we endured under the hand of his father, that I have spent way too much time trying to make him and keep him happy, that I pretty much have let him walk over, Max is doing the same. I think Aaron resents my Husband and, he's just getting worse. He has started to "mock" me, backtalk me....I need to nip it in the Before it gets even more out of hand, but I don't know what to do. I am afraid if I am too harsh on Aaron, then he will just run to his Dad, tell him all sorts of things, making them worse than what they are, then I will end back up in court with the dope head, jobless loser....I feel damned if I do, damned if I don't.
Now, Max does his fair share as well...he pits me against Aaron...pulling Keith, my husband, his Dad...into the mess...which puts me smack dab in the damned middle.

See...I can't win.

Same at work...I hate this freaking job. I would love to find another one. But, the pay is good, the hours are good, and it conveniently works with Keith's third shift schedule, so...he doesn't want me to look for another job. I am a dead end here as well. There will be no advancement for me here...the people I work with are all ass-kissers to the higher ups..makes me sick. I have said it before, and I will say it again...I am like the red-headed step child of the office. I don't fit in with the weirdos...they have their own little cliques'....of which I am not included. Seriously, I walk in the door in the morning, no one speaks to me. I have been here an hour and a half already, not one person has said a damn word to me. They won't either, unless it's work related.
I don't smoke...the majority of them, they take 10 minute smoke breaks, every thirty pisses me off! I don't take a break at all, except for my lunch, I sneak and blog. If they ever find out, I will definitely use the others smoking in my favor. Sometimes, I just don't would make my day for them to fire me. I literally get sick at my stomach, every morning, when I know I have to get up and come back to this sorry ass excuse for a job. I do not want to see myself working here for much longer...I have got to get out of this place....I have got to find a happy medium...the stress at home sometimes is too much to have to deal with it here too.

Like I said..the old cliches...caught between a rock and a hard place..damned if I do...damned if I don't...that describes me to a tee....

I know there are probably some of you out there going, "Well, get off your pity party, do something about it" is not that easy. If only it were....I guess, I just needed to vent. As far as the kids fighting goes....what do you do to curtail it between your kids....any suggestions or advice would be very much appreciated. I have tried time-out, taking things away from them, etc....doesn't work. I don't spank....Keith will spank Max occasionally, but due to Aaron's father...we don't touch him....he would have Aaron taken out of our house and me thrown in jail in a heartbeat....but, I swear...deep down, I feel like that is what he needs...a good old fashioned ass whooping....these days and times though..that just isn't acceptable, like it was when I was a child...funny thing is though, back in my respected there parents a lot more....parents were never afraid to spare the were much better behaved.
So...I don't know....spanking aside....cause I know I can't do that...what can I do???

Dixie needs your advice.....

As far as the job situation...I think I am going to revise my resume' and see what I can find. I used to be an Operations Manager at a 330 bed, I work for a freaking fertilizer company...ironic, huh? There is a new hospital being built here where I live...two, as a matter of fact. I think I am going to go online and submit my application....I would just about take any type of job, to get out of here....if the pay and hours were comparable.

Well...I have rambled long to get back to work....I hope you all have a great week!



Nap Warden said...

First, for a week, can I come to?
Second...go for it. Totally put aps. in. No downside in seeing what's out there!
Third...DWS tonight, yay!

Blissfully Wed said...

I feel ya and wish you the best. Crappy job here (but with excellent health benefits) and never enough sleep in my life.

Good luck in all regards.


Sandy Kessler said...


Honeybell said...

Oh darlin', I am right there with you. Other than locking yourself in the bathroom and having a good cry - this is what I do sometimes with the boys. Sometimes these work, sometimes they don't:

1. Make them sit on the floor facing each other holding hands and looking at each other. Sometimes my boys will end up laughing way to hard to be mad at anyone.

2. "If you cannot behave well enough to be around other people, then you will need to be by yourselves" followed up with containment to an un-fun area "until you feel like you can be around others and be nice"

As the lovely Huckdoll told me - this is YOUR BLOG, never feel apologetic for what you write in it. And remember, you aren't alone!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you're so stressed.

One of the things that I let me kids do is to have time alone. They don't have to share their toys or their space with any of their siblings. I think sometimes they just get too overwhelmed always having to play with someone else. Sometimes they just want along time.

With our 7yo when he gets out of control (sassy or bothering his brother) we make him go to his room and read for 10-15 minutes. Kindof like a timeout, but with purpose. We also make them hug and say they love each other after they've fought.

Dixie said...


Oh I'd totally put out my resume, if I were you!!

Daphne said...

sorry that you've been so stressed out. you definately need some time to yourself!! And I would put some resumes out if I were you.
Good luck!!

hugzzzzzz =)

Toni said...

That. sucks. All of it. The kid problems, the crappy job, all of it.

I think you should look anywhere for a new job- the new hospital, anywhere. It really sucks not liking a place where you spend so much time and it is not healthy, Dix.

I wish I had some sage advice about the kids but I don't. If it is any consolation, my 8 year old is exerting some of the same behavior with me.

Thinking of you....xoxo


Nap...I wished..guess I will just be happy with the mani/pedi I will get this week. I am planning on spending Sunday revising my resume'..then watch out! doesn't it...the job, the lack of sleep..glad to know that I am not alone...but, hate that you have to endure the same crap as well.

Sandy...depends..what do you mean?
Uploading them? or total time?

Honeybell...I am definitely going to try your techniques...I will let you know if they worked..thank you.

Lori...I think you are right....with Aaron, not wanting to share with Max...he gets resentful, because Max often breaks his things....he gets tired of not having "his time" he has told me, I do understand that, but we live in a very small house, they have to share a room...makes it hard. I will try the reading thing with Aaron, when he gets sassy...thanks for suggesting that.

Dixie....I am going to...that is on my agenda for this Sunday.
Hugs to you too my friend.

Daphne..thanks my friend...I am going to do that..too bad we don't live closer...I could definitely use a "girls night out"....hugs to you too.

Toni...I know...the not healthy part...I literally have a headache every morning, from the stress of just knowing I have to come into this place...thanks for listening and responding..just like with Daphne..I wish we lived closer... a girls night out would be great and so what I need right now. You are terrific! Sorry your oldest is doing the same thing to you..what are we going to do with them when they become teenagers???? Yikes!