Monday, May 17, 2010
Gloomy Monday...I want a do-over...
I hate Mondays...My weekend wasn't very good. Well, actually it was, up until Saturday night. Hubby and I had a huge argument. It is all my fault. I am having a hard time dealing with things. We are working through it. Only time will tell....I do know one thing, I don't deserve him. I have some issues of my own, that I am not going to get into on here, that I need to work through. I love him, with all of my heart, I do know that. No one is perfect...I know I am not. I feel like a failure.
Friday night, things were great! We grilled out, watched movies....relaxed and got along fine. Saturday...I did the ultimate run. I ran 12 miles!! Yes, 12 miles...It took me 2 hrs and 15 minutes...I literally ran until my feet bled. I have a huge blister on my left heel....I think it is due to my new running shoes. They may be a half size too big. I am going to have to let it heal before I can run again. Which sucks. I really need to run. It is almost like a craving...it helps me heal, mentally.
I really need some "healing" right now. I feel "empty" inside. Dead...so to speak. I said a lot of hurtful things to my husband. Things that I did not mean. How do I repair that. I can't take the words back. I wish I could. I wish they were never said. He says he forgives me, he says he still loves me. Now, I have to work on forgiving myself, work on repairing the damage and move on. I just don't know if I can.
I hate Mondays.