Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Hitting the Wall...

As you know, I have been training for the past 10 1/2 weeks to run my very first Half-Marathon...and I am so over this training schedule. My longest run to date was last Sunday, for 11 miles....and I am starting to hurt, ya'll...this getting old shit is for 40, I am very proud of how far I have come....I am healthy, I am strong, and I can run...something I would have never thought possible when I started my weight loss journey 3 years ago. Up until now, I have been very excited at the thought of running 13.1 miles....but, now...I am scared....worried and worn out. I am tired....and I am starting to doubt myself. Can I finish? or will I have a heart attack and die out on the Hubby doesn't like me running long distances...he too doubts my capabilities I guess...or should I say what my body can endure. He told me that If I die on him next Sunday May 29th, he is going to be pissed, because he is missing the Indy 500 to come out and support me during this race. Lol....
I think I will do I said, I am in the best health of my life, and I assured the hubby that I know my body's limitations, and if I have to stop and walk here and there...then I will. I am not going to push myself to death...literally. Last Sunday, when I ran the 11 miles, I ran that in 1 hour and 50, my goal time for this mini will be 2 hours 15 minutes...that is what I am hoping to achieve time wise. I am not in it to win it..just to finish it. So, wish me luck that I can finish out the rest of my training and get this accomplishment checked off my bucket list.
Now, moving it is Wednesday and I have been meaing to post about my weekend..last weekend to be exact....Friday night started out good, the kids and I were watching a movie, hubby was in bed, since he had to work that night and I get a phone call...drama from my almost 21 year old and his Dad/Step-Mom....He has totally got too much on his plate, working 2 jobs, college, etc....he is not making enough money to make it own his own and is struggling...his grades are slipping....which is not good...he has to graduate and if his grades continue to fall...I shudder to think what will happen....his dad, who has worked for the government for 20 years, felt it was acceptable to retire at 50 freaking years old, losing out on close to a million dollars in income if he had worked until 65 or so. Especially knowing that he has two boys, one in college, one going to college in another year. I absolutely do not have any extra money lying around. My family, growing up, my married life now, have always lived pay check to paycheck, as a lot of familys in the economy today, Tim is making it on his own, struggling to even have money for food....he of course has financial aid, student loans to help with school, but there are still lots of expenditures. He called me Friday night, upset, had an arguement with his Dad and StepMom...pretty bad one (don't want to get into the details), but it ruined my night....Tim had me in tears...he is at the point he just wants to give up and I don't know how to help him....financially, I can't give him thousands of dollars to pay for school and pay his rent, pay his car payment etc....For the past two months, or longer..hubby has been working 7 days a week, not a day off, we are still struggling, My brother in S.C losing his job, has put added financial pressure on my Mom, so we have been helping her out with some of her bills....we just don't have it! Makes me so sad, that I don't have money lying around to help my sons, my Mom and for us to make it is tough.
I gave him the best advise I could...stay in college, just reduce your number of credit hours...if it takes you five years, instead of four years, so be it....he can't keep burning the candle at both ends, or he will crack a Mom, it is so hard to hear your grown son, almost 21 years old, talk like his life is over before it has even started...I cried and worried all night Friday.
Saturday, I got up and went for a five mile run, to clear my head and check off another day of training on my schedule...then I got dressed and drove to Terre Haute to see both of my older two boys. It was Justin's, the 17 year olds Junior Prom Saturday evening, and I had to be there to get those coveted precious prom photos. I had Aaron with me and Keith took Max and stayed at his parents house, which is on the way to Terre Haute. I took all three of my older boys out for was really nice to be able to spend time with them...I don't get to do that as much as I like, because of their school/job commitments. After lunch, I dropped Justin off at his Dad's to get dressed for the Prom and pick up his date, and I took Tim to Walmart to buy him some groceries, since he had nothing to eat in his apartment. He had been eating at his Dad's, but due to his falling out with him, he knew going back to his Dad's to eat was out of the question and I was not going to let my son, I loaded him up with groceries and he was tickled to death and very appreciative that Mom came to his rescue.....I told him I would give him whatever I could, when I could to help him out, and he would never be without food. Afterwards, we went back to his apartment, unloaded the groceries and I got an eye opening experience to what a boys frat house looks like was a college definitely could have used this Mom in there to do some heavy cleaning.
At six p.m., we had to gather at Deming Park to get pictures of Justin and his date for the prom. His school combined the Junior and Senior prom together, so it was crowded with took some time to locate Justin and his date, but we got some great pictures...take a look!

All 3 of my Older boys...fine looking young men if I do say so myself....Love them so much!

Justin, striking a "pose"....that's his best bud to his left..funny guy!

Aaron of course had to get a picture with the He was embarassed!

Me and the boys...(God, I look like was cold and rainy out, and that makeup and hideous hair was from very early that morning....yuck)

What a great group of kids!
I got all teary eyed seeing how much Justin has grown up...he is not a baby anymore...and it saddened me, but I was so proud of him....he has turned out to be a wonderful, thoughtful, loving young man..he has a ton of friends, all great kids, he is on the honor roll, works a part time job and is on the football team....can't wait to see what he does with his life in the future.
After prom pictures, the girls were all freezing, so the guys were ready to load them up and get started on their prom Aaron and I said our goodbyes, to Justin and Tim (he had to go to work) and headed out....after stopping by the in-laws to pick up Keith(Max decided to spend the night with Grandma and Grandpa), we headed was after 9 p.m. before we got home and I was exhausted. Hubby headed to work, Aaron and I watched a movie and then I crashed.
Sunday, was rainy, cold and dreary, and even though I dreaded it, I headed to the gym to crank out that 11 mile run....I went into totally not wanting to do it..but, I found my pace, found my rythm and got it done. Whoo hoo....I spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing with dinner at Applebee's with the hubby and Aaron....then home to wait on the in-laws to drop off Max...I read, watched t.v. and sipped some wine and ended the weekend on a good note...
This weekend, we have no we plan to keep it pretty low key. I ran 5 miles last night, I have a 3 mile tonight, a 3 mile and strength training tomorrow....No workout on Friday, then a 3 mile and Body Pump Saturday and Sunday is the big final run before my half...12 miles! Wish me luck!
Have a great rest of the week everyone!


Sicilian said...

I'm going to make a suggestion. . . . both of my girls had to pay for their own college. Help your son to set a budget. It doesn't have to be fancy, but just list all the expenses for a month and all the money coming into the budget. If he is living off student loans, then include that as income. It would help him figure out where he is financially. I also would have him get the help he can from the state ie food stamps, medicaid, and help with rent because there are programs available.
Remind him that being broke is a temporary thing. He is young and he will be able to pull himself up.

Syl said...

you are going to do great on Sunday, I can't wait to read your recap! Just one suggestion, take a moment to let it all in, it's an amazing accomplishment and one that you should be very proud of ;-)